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• Director: Steven Spielberg
• Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy/Sci-Fi
• Year: 2008

Best movie eVaRRR! No seriously…what the funk happened here? I suppose I should not be surprised given that George Lucas was involved and that he overrode the original script and was involved in the writing of this one. Such a shame too, because more than once the magic of Indiana Jones is there, palpable, emerging its wonderful head just before it get’s whacked by stupidity and silliness. Time and time again when I reached a moment that I may actually like, either Lucas or Spielberg came over and pushed it over the edge to where it made me roll my eyes.

I have no idea who to be upset at here, Lucas or Spielberg for letting Lucas in. Somebody seriously needs to put that man in a straight jacket and wheel him out and put him in a crate full of hay and hide him in Area 51 right along with the Ark to never again be found. Sounds harsh but after effing up my entire childhood, men like this deserve nothing short of a trip across Acheron and then tossed down all the way to the bottom circle reserved for traitors (need I remind you of what he did to Star Wars with Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith?).

*sigh*

I had a technique for this. Initially, I wanted to see this opening weekend, I truly was excited…and then I started hearing the comments, from all sorts of people, even people that normally have a pretty lax attitude about movies. The consensus was pretty much, across the board: it sucked. So I held off a week and I heard all the bad comments about it and finally when I went to see it the bar had been set so low it was actually watchable.

In a scale from Brown Bunny to There Will Be Blood, this movie falls well below Transformers, where it happens to have action and funny moments and then some really stupid moments as well that manage to ruin the experience for you.

The synopsis, if you even care for one is Indiana Jones being forced by paranormal oriented Russians who are bent on finding artifacts that will help them control the world psychic-ly (I am not making this stuff up, though perhaps I am exaggerating a little). So he goes on a search for a Crystal Skull that needs to be taken back to its original temple and which will allow you to control the fate of the world.

Harrison Ford is alright, I have to say he does still wear the Indy hat quite well. Shia Lebouf? Not so much. Cate Blanchet seems awkward here, as do pretty much all the Russians. There are silly moles riddling the first third of the movie; there is a magic refrigerator that will protect you from nuclear explosions; there are monkeys that will teach you to swing on vines, a la Tarzan, in 4.5 seconds; and they overstretch the capabilities of the Dorylus ant beyond measure.

This is where people probably will say, it is a movie and it is an Indiana Jones movie and reality has always been stretched. To this I say yes, but never stretched to such a ridiculous level. I will put it this way, at best, this fourth installment is a B movie and by far the worst of the series. But I am being overly critical, perhaps because I find my hopes shattered all over the floor. It is quite possible that many people will enjoy the lighthearted, silliness that will ensue before you eyes. But if you are going into this expecting something like the first three then watch at your own peril and get insurance for your eyeballs…they may spontaneously incinerate.

Rating: 2 out of 5 (I’m being fair here, because personally I want to give it half a star and a swift boot to the arse).
Notes: Family fun, sure, kids will mostly like it, though be aware of flying S words peppered throughout. As a popcorn movie and going in with no expectations, this is a better alternative to a good chunk of movies, but you are better off watching Iron Man again, or Prince Caspian.
Quote: Mutt Williams: You know, for an old man you ain’t bad in a fight. What are you, like 80?