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• Director: Louis Leterrier
• Genre: Adventure/Action/Fantasy/Sci-Fi
• Year: 2008

“Hulk, smash!!!” Two words that are surprisingly descriptive of this movie. You can choose to look at this in two ways; the half empty statement would have you thinking this is numbingly simple; the half full statement would say numbingly simple but also unpretentious and unapologetically so. In comparison to Ang Lee’s visually stunning but thematically convoluted and metaphysical nightmare of an attempt, The Incredible Hulk is really a stripped down chase movie, but it is a fun chase movie that makes no attempt to disguise itself as nothing other than that, and in that, one can only respect it.

Gone is the tediously boring origin story, compressed into one quick paced opening scene that tosses more cookies and biscuits at you than you can shake a finger at, which if you look closely makes all sorts of references to other members of the future Avengers team. This is a neat little tool that is placed from beginning to end and which adds another sub-level of fun. It also should be said that it is a good thing that the origin story is mostly forgone, because as it is the movie starts off with a stagger. Nevertheless, like the character at the center of this movie once the movie gets rolling, there is nothing to stop it all the way to the no-holds barred blow up of a climax between Hulk and Abomination.

This is not a perfect movie, by any stretch of the imagination, even when compared to other comic book movies, a number of them easily come to mind that surpass it (Iron Man, X-Men 2, Spider-Man). The acting also falls short, which is unfortunate, Liv Taylor, is basically useless in this film and John Hurt is about as scary an antagonist as a walrus in a military uniform. Thankfully, both Tim Roth and Ed Norton pick up the slack where the rest of the cast fails. It also needs to be said that Hulk and Abomination never quite seem to fit into the world. This is a problem that plagues a lot of the movies that choose to employ CG. Something that Lord of the Rings did superbly and something that this one did not. In the end, the Hulk looks something out of a video game superimposed into our world and never is fully believable.

Going into this film without high expectations then, is a good idea, because this film delivers on the surface everything it tells you is. Hulk, smash! If you want to see a big green guy bust the crap out of things using cars as punching gloves, then yes, this movie will satisfy. On the other side of the token, when you compare this movie to the main body of work based on comic books, it still is a shinning star, because it stands head and shoulders above a great many others.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Notes: Violence, of course, all over this one, but it is PG-13 violence, never quite so gory to justify most kids out of the theater.
Quote: Betty Ross: [Betty and Bruce need to get across own in New York City] The subway is probably quickest.
Bruce Banner: Me in a metal tube, deep underground with hundreds of people in the most aggressive city in the world?
Betty Ross: Right. Let’s get a cab.

It is all Ken’s fault, honestly. I was just walking out of Buffalo Wild Wings, minding my own business, happy to have seen yet another great Eurocup2008 game, when Ken stopped me and asked for my business card. Of course, I had none, as usual, I tend to forget to grab more business cards when I get back to the office. So instead he asked me to put my name and number down for a contest. I did, even if I was unsure what exactly it was that I had just signed up for. I heard contest and free chicken wings for a year and I thought it sounded good.

And it was good, turns out that two days later I get a call from Garret, the GM at Buffalo Wild Wings to let me know I had just won the contest along with three others and was going to get free tickets to the game, a VIP pass and would be competing in a wing eating contest during the half time show!!!

Now, I must say that I had a bit of hesitation on the contest part. My gag reflex is the worst, the idea of stuffing my mouth with food was not at all appealing, but hey, how many shots do you get at being in a half time contest? Not many…so I was not about to back out of it. Besides, it also meant a free live game for me and two friends. Of course, Kenichi was rightfully deserving of the first, because that was the deal, he is after all the one responsible. The other ticket went to my friend Rick who, even though it was short noticed, dropped everything out of his extremely busy schedule to make sure he could go watch some football and kick it out of the house for a bit.

So we went and it was fun. There was football, there was beer, there was cheer leading and all sorts of excitement. In all honesty, watching a game, I do not care what the sport is, is always better when you are there, live, seeing it all unfold. Sure, you often sacrifice the miracle of instant replay for it, or the DVR pause button for when you have to go take a leak but, ‘that is a small price to pay’ says I.

The contest itself was fun, between myself, two other winners of the drawing, a couple of radio celebrities, the Rattler Man (who apparently is some extreme fanatic, season ticket holder) and two little people (I think that is the politically correct term currently being accepted by society) who would act as a tag team. We each also were assigned a ‘counter’ which, in brief, was a really hot girl dressed in a tight referee shirt and short skirt and sexy fish-net stockings. That alone made the contest worthwhile…but I digress.

The contest itself was simple, you are given one and a half minutes and 25 boneless wings to eat, the person who eats the most wins. They also gave us a bottle of water but then told us we could not use water while competing. What this meant is that those delicious chicken wings suddenly turned into serious choking hazards. I did not become aware of this until I shoved the first one in my mouth and realized…”holy mother of all that is holy and mother, I am stuck with a chicken wing in my mouth I can not chew.”

Surely the other contestants realized this too, but for some reason they proceeded to shove more wings in their mouth. The dude next to me said he shoved three wings right of the get go! I never thought I would actually have the advantage here, but the strategy was very very simple: to win this contest, I simply had to eat like a civilized person and that is exactly what I did. Instead of shoving wings in my mouth, I would bite half a wing, swallow insert the other have and move that way.

Wouldn’t you know it, the strategy won, though apparently I was not the only genius to figure it out, somebody else at the other end of the table did too, and the two of us tied for first place with a grand total of — drum roll please — seven wings! I know, that sounds ridiculous even to me, particularly when there were guys twice my size competing, but…that is the way the cookie crumbles. So, I got a coupon book for chicken wings for the next year, a hard hat signed by the Rattler players, play off tickets for the AFC, a shirt and a hat, plus free beer. All in all, Ken did very good to make me sign up for this random contest.

And at the end of the night, kicking it with Rick and Ken at a game, watching the Rattlers attempt to ‘pull a Turkey’ and make a last minute comeback was very fun. So, here is a beer for a night well spent!

If you care to see more pictures of the night, just head over to my flickr account by clicking on the link: Rattler Night.

-Fco.

• Director - Mark Osborn, John Stevenson
• Genre - Family/Comedy/Animation/Adventure
• Year - 2008

I expected little and instead I got a lot! In fact, when I started hearing the comments on this movie, the week it opened, I was still incredulous, because to be honest, the trailers did absolutely nothing to get me to want to watch this movie. Chuck it to poor marketing or something, I don’t know. It is not that I thought the movie would flop, but that it would be so lukewarm that it would provoke no reaction whatsoever, which sometimes is worse than outright hating a movie.

Now, I can actually and very honestly say, this is the best NON-PIXAR animated movie since the original Shrek. It is a movie in fact that got me truly excited with only its opening scenes, which are actually 2-D animation very reminiscent (stylistically) of Samurai Jack.

Blissfully, there is a plot here and not just a tolerable plot, but an intriguing, charming and moving plot. Yes, it is kept simple enough for the youngsters to grasp, but it is effectively enough told to satisfy the adult audience. The animation is well crafted; the characters are neatly designed and their personalities thankfully fail to fall into stereotypes. Most impressively however, is that this movie, unlike Shrek, does not have child humor and adult humor. Allow me to explain. One of the plus sides to a lot of movies is their ability to keep a thread of humor directed to children and a more subtle thread aimed to adults. This is a tactic that has managed to fill seats in many a theater with adult butts. This movie does not do that, it does something that in my mind is infinitely better. It blends child and adult humor so well it satisfies the entire spectrum of age.

What’s more, this film is also packed with enough action, details and cool little concepts that even the action fan may be entertained. Animation or not, there are a number of feats that on screen, look absolutely stunning. Truly, this is the sort of movie that will have you trying to pick which character you would rather be…in fact, about halfway through the movie, my youngest daughter did just that, leaning over the seat and saying: “I want to be Master Tigress.” Characters are developed, not without flaws, in ways that make them believable and easy to relate to, which is a nice change from pretty much every other Dreamworks animation movie that has come out lately.

Watch this movie. Yes, it is a family film, yes it is not going to deliver the complicated story of a drama, but by far, this is one of the best animated films of the decade, not just the year.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Notes: Some violence through the martial arts fighting scenes, but no blood is shed, so it is definitely kid friendly.
Quote: Oogway: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

• Director: Christian Alvart
• Genre: Horror/Thriller/Crime/Drama
• Year: 2005

In the grand tradition of Silence of the Lambs and Se7en, Antikorper brings to the screen the story of a serial killer and while I would say if falls short of the well established bar that the already mentioned films set, this German take does deliver a highly watchable, interesting, if somewhat long film.

Straying away from gore for the sake of shock value, one of the best things this film manages to achieve is bring the thrill of a serial killer and his twisted plan without overdoing the corpse count. However, it should be noted that given the subject matter there is still quite a bit of disturbing imagery here, particularly during the beginning, which starts off with a powerful punch.

The story begins with two seemingly separate stories, one taking place in the city, the other out in the country, though soon enough it becomes clear that the possible unifying bond between both streams is the captured killer. Michael Martens (the chief of police in a small, catholic community) is convinced that the serial killer had something to do with the violent murder of Lucia, a young girl from the town. However, that particular murder seems to go entirely against the pattern which Gabriel Engel (the serial killer known as the crucifix) had established. What ensues is an attempt to uncover the truth, however difficult it may be for Martens to swallow, racing against time and against Martens own personal agenda even as he fights the games played with his own head.

This movie will not attract the audience so much for the twist in plots, and it merges in a good amount of drama to develop the characters. However, there are pleasant enough turns to keep the material fresh and interesting. It is not a perfectly executed movie, with a few holes in acting and with room for cutting down a bit on the fat of certain scenes that one could do without in order to speed up the pace. And while the villain here is not as frightening as Hannibal Lecter (who is referenced in the movie at one point) he still delivers a powerful enough role to keep the storyline alive. While the complexity of the puzzles could have used a bit more tinkering, this movie here is still leaps ahead of the pack and very much worth the watch, though perhaps not worth owning.

Rating: 4 out of 5
Notes: Violence, language, disturbing images, nudity, sexuality. Presented in German with English subtitles which race by a bit too fast at some points, be prepared to hit the rewind button a couple of times to catch it all.
Quote: Gabriel Engel: Evil is a virus. Highly contagious. Highly destructive.
[pause]
Gabriel Engel: You’re already infected.

Dear Mexican Football Selection,

Why do you hate me? Me and all your loyal fans that tune in to watch you play year after year regardless of the disappointments you manage to formulate? I have not suffered so much with a team since the Patriots, who sucked for the longest time but who have managed to pull themselves out of obscurity and make themselves the number 1 team to hate of the decade (I still love ‘em). Could you not pull a Patriots one of these years and actually put out the performance you are supposed to?

On paper, you are supposed to be fantastic, your line up is one of the best and most diversified in ages…why is it then that you can not seem to plug the holes in your defense when everybody in the starting position back there is so good the are playing in Euro clubs?

Watching you play against Argentina tonight seriously reduced my life-span by seven years, with all those close calls you always seem to get and never seem to know how to finish. 4-1! Four to one, you could have lost with some dignity and made it closer.

I still love you…but we need to have a talk about this. You are becoming a hazard to my health.

Hopelessly yours,

Fco.

• Director: Steven Spielberg
• Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy/Sci-Fi
• Year: 2008

Best movie eVaRRR! No seriously…what the funk happened here? I suppose I should not be surprised given that George Lucas was involved and that he overrode the original script and was involved in the writing of this one. Such a shame too, because more than once the magic of Indiana Jones is there, palpable, emerging its wonderful head just before it get’s whacked by stupidity and silliness. Time and time again when I reached a moment that I may actually like, either Lucas or Spielberg came over and pushed it over the edge to where it made me roll my eyes.

I have no idea who to be upset at here, Lucas or Spielberg for letting Lucas in. Somebody seriously needs to put that man in a straight jacket and wheel him out and put him in a crate full of hay and hide him in Area 51 right along with the Ark to never again be found. Sounds harsh but after effing up my entire childhood, men like this deserve nothing short of a trip across Acheron and then tossed down all the way to the bottom circle reserved for traitors (need I remind you of what he did to Star Wars with Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith?).

*sigh*

I had a technique for this. Initially, I wanted to see this opening weekend, I truly was excited…and then I started hearing the comments, from all sorts of people, even people that normally have a pretty lax attitude about movies. The consensus was pretty much, across the board: it sucked. So I held off a week and I heard all the bad comments about it and finally when I went to see it the bar had been set so low it was actually watchable.

In a scale from Brown Bunny to There Will Be Blood, this movie falls well below Transformers, where it happens to have action and funny moments and then some really stupid moments as well that manage to ruin the experience for you.

The synopsis, if you even care for one is Indiana Jones being forced by paranormal oriented Russians who are bent on finding artifacts that will help them control the world psychic-ly (I am not making this stuff up, though perhaps I am exaggerating a little). So he goes on a search for a Crystal Skull that needs to be taken back to its original temple and which will allow you to control the fate of the world.

Harrison Ford is alright, I have to say he does still wear the Indy hat quite well. Shia Lebouf? Not so much. Cate Blanchet seems awkward here, as do pretty much all the Russians. There are silly moles riddling the first third of the movie; there is a magic refrigerator that will protect you from nuclear explosions; there are monkeys that will teach you to swing on vines, a la Tarzan, in 4.5 seconds; and they overstretch the capabilities of the Dorylus ant beyond measure.

This is where people probably will say, it is a movie and it is an Indiana Jones movie and reality has always been stretched. To this I say yes, but never stretched to such a ridiculous level. I will put it this way, at best, this fourth installment is a B movie and by far the worst of the series. But I am being overly critical, perhaps because I find my hopes shattered all over the floor. It is quite possible that many people will enjoy the lighthearted, silliness that will ensue before you eyes. But if you are going into this expecting something like the first three then watch at your own peril and get insurance for your eyeballs…they may spontaneously incinerate.

Rating: 2 out of 5 (I’m being fair here, because personally I want to give it half a star and a swift boot to the arse).
Notes: Family fun, sure, kids will mostly like it, though be aware of flying S words peppered throughout. As a popcorn movie and going in with no expectations, this is a better alternative to a good chunk of movies, but you are better off watching Iron Man again, or Prince Caspian.
Quote: Mutt Williams: You know, for an old man you ain’t bad in a fight. What are you, like 80?